Today's post is more about a program I saw over the weekend. There isn't much to report from the classroom front, either, unless you count sluggishness. What is it about long weekends that makes everyone slow down (adults and children alike)? Just seems like it took a loooong time to get anything accomplished today. Anyhow, back to the topic at hand.
Over the weekend, I watched the Anderson Cooper Town Hall special on bullying. As a parent of a child who was bullied and as an educator, I think the topic is a very valid subject for discussion. I think the show was a good start, but that it could have easily been broken up into a series to address the topic accurately. The speakers seemed to be rushed along in their answers; it just felt like the writers/producers/whoever of the show tried to address everything in too short of a time frame.
One thing I had a problem with was (my perception of the implied) notion that teachers don't know how to address bullying. Now before anyone gets offended, let me explain. I know sometimes teachers find themselves in situations where they may seem overwhelmed and not know how to handle a particular child or situation. I also know sometimes teachers aren't always aware of bullying going on in the classroom because students don't always speak up (as was the case for my child. She would tell us but not her teacher.) More on this in a second.
The second thing I had a problem with was the repeated idea that we MUST teach teachers to handle this problem. I don't have a problem with the idea of training on bullying, building community, and handling difficult students and situations. I had a problem with the fact that not all school districts have the resources to implement these programs for their students. It's one thing to say it "MUST" happen, but another to have the funding to do so.
When I worked in my previous district, which was a large urban area, schools were funded differently. They were broken into Areas according to scores on standardized testing, with Area 1 having the highest scores. There were 4 areas. Schools that weren't in an Area had gotten into partnerships with businesses. These latter schools received some extra training and funding via the business partnerships, not the district itself. Yet no school that I'm aware of had any sort of training or curriculum for anti-bullying. Most of the elementaries didn't have counselors. But we had students from all walks of life, different socioeconomic situations, varying levels of English-speaking ability, various situations in home life. When these children came in, as all children do, they brought their experiences with them.
So what do you do in a situation like that? I can tell you what I did despite of a lack of an anti-bullying program or school counselor. In my room I spent (and still spend) the first two to three weeks working on building community because it's a lot harder to pick on someone if you have something in common with them. I also set my classroom expectations. Simply put: I don't put up with any nonsense in my room. I don't allow name calling, touching others (except to help), abuse of other's property, or disrespect. (That last one takes some work, but it can be done.) I'm not a tyrant about it, nor do I scream and yell at my students. I simply state the facts of the situation and go from there. From the first day of school I call my students ladies and gentlemen and I tell them that I expect them to behave as such. We talk about what that can look like and how we can implement that in our room. I don't act like I am better than my students and I allow them to hold me accountable for adherence to our classroom expectations. (Don't misunderstand me; I don't make it out like I am their "friend" but I am cordial and interested in them as people. I firmly believe you need to model the behavior you want; sometimes you're the only model some of these children get.) Holding me accountable seems to surprise some of the students, but it works. I really try to get them to see that our room is a team or a family, and that we will only succeed if everyone works together. We revisit the ideas periodically and during class meetings. I've had some really tough students, and I've had students other teachers have warned me about. You know, "Oh, wait until you get so and so!" I've also had those same teachers come to me later about those same students and ask what I've done with them. Nothing. I raised my expectation and challenged them to meet it. I have had these same students move onto other grades and I still got visits to my room when there were challenges in their lives, or if they just wanted to work/help me at the end of the day.
One of my tough students took until nearly Christmas to get on board. I didn't lower my expectations and stayed on him about being accountable. He came from a home where he was being raised by his mom and aunt; mom and dad had divorced. No one held him accountable for his actions prior to my room; there were always excuses as to why he behaved the way he did. I don't accept excuses. When you enter the room, there are basic human courtesies that I expect you to follow. Be honest. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Do your own work. Be accountable. Admit if you are wrong. Accept the consequences. I held him accountable for these through the tantrums, the kicking, the throwing of objects, the destruction of other people's property, and the yelling. I spent many hours explaining to my class how to avoid behavior like that. I moved seats, I kept notes, I called home--often, I praised when I could, I used reward charts...anything I could think of to help bring this child around. It took a while, but I did it. After I left the district I followed up with him the following year and he was doing a great job.
My toughest student came to me when a colleague went out on maternity leave. He was moved to my room after he threatened to wrap a chair around the substitute's face. A real charmer. (He actually could be very charming if he wanted something, but he was also cocky and smart-mouthed. Conversely, he was SO CAPABLE and was good in math and science, but he didn't always apply himself. ) He started with his array of tactics and I stayed on top of his behavior, too, even calling his mother at work in the middle of class so she could talk to him about his behavior. He behaved fairly well in my room after a while and worked hard, especially if he was working toward a good behavior reward, but recess was a different story. Come to find out through the recess monitors that he was bothering people at recess and threatening them with "snitches get stitches." He ended up in a fistfight with another student because the other student stood up to his bullying. This fight began a larger fight that was brought to the principal's--and my team's--attention. We had a grade-wide meeting, class by class, and determined that he had been covertly bullying about three people, boys from the other classroom. We arranged a meeting with his mother and stepfather, the principal, and my team. Mom basically blew us off, told us there was nothing wrong with her son (despite the anecdotal notes from the teachers and the recess monitors, despite the numerous calls to her from myself and the office, and despite his admission to the behaviors), and transferred him to another school within two weeks. I'm not sure what message that sends to the child. I just pray he straightened himself out.
In my current district we follow the Olweus Anti-Bullying program. I think it has it's good points, especially the emphasis on class meetings. Our counselor is good at giving lessons and being available to talk to, but I think those two pieces are only part of the overall method of preventing bullying. I truly believe that you have to have specific expectations for your class, you should be open with your students, and you should build a structured community within your room. I also think you should be aware; get to know your students and their habits. Also, encourage them to speak up, either to their parents, guardians, you, or in anonymously in a comment box.
So how did this last notion apply to my daughter? She was new to the school that year and had a hard time fitting in with the others. She made a friend or two but wasn't was easily accepted as some of the other students because she can be a bit shy. We had her meet with the counselor, met with her teacher, and she came out of her shell. By the end of the year, she was being invited to parties, joined Girl Scouts, and was on her way. The bullying came two years later in to the form of a former classmate. The two hadn't gotten along during her first year and weren't in class that following year. But then things changed. The bullying of my daughter took the form of nasty looks, comments about her clothes, rumors, exclusion, etc. We knew there was something going on at school, but she never said anything because she didn't want to get anyone into trouble. (We later had a discussion about the difference of tattling and standing up for yourself.) I finally cornered her after I saw her walking through the school hallway crying. She told me this particular girl had been picking with her despite all of the things we taught her to do at home and what she learned through the anti-bullying program. (She had tried to remove herself from the situation, asked to be moved to a new seat, requested that she and this girl not be partners on projects, avoided the other as best she could, and tried to surround herself with other people and friends. All to no avail. The bully isolated people from her and the teacher told her she would have to work it out.)
Trying to allow my child the space to be the then fourth grader that she was, we suggested she have a meeting with her teacher and the counselor to try and work things out. We also told her to write down what happened as well as any witnesses. In the meantime, my husband and I told her not to stoop to the bully's level, but to show the person she had more important things to worry about...even if what the bully did bothered her (but don't let it show!). It got to the point that when the bully saw she wasn't getting a rise out of my daughter anymore, she stopped. If the girl said she didn't like my daughter's outfit, the response was something like a nonchalant, "I'm sorry you feel that way." or "That's okay, you're not wearing it." or "So? I like my clothes." Sort of like the Bill Cosby book The Meanest Thing to Say. Once there was no reaction, there was no more bullying. The girl did get reprimanded for her behavior; she had been bullying other girls as well. I haven't heard of any situations with her for nearly a year and a half.
I'm saying all this to say that while anti-bullying training for teachers has its merits, setting high behavior expectations and modeling community cohesiveness in your classroom also has merit. Being a good role model for children is also a vital piece of this puzzle. I truly believe you need all four pieces for success.
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